I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
