The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
