So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
