Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
