so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize