dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
