I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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