stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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