Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Success! We fucked roommates!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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