Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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