oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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