Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
