Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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