dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
