get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
