i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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