Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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