Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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