I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
