If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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