i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize