got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
