she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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