hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
