Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
