i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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