Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
