He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
