I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize