hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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