Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
