I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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