Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dicks are not precious.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
