it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
