I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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