He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
