I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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