today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
