Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
