that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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