if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
