You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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