Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
