No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
someone owes me an orgasm
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
