What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
