No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
