I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Terrible idea I love it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize