the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
