And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
