Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
