Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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