u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
