the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
BRING THE BAGELS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
