He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
