They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
