Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
