Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
