I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
