Betty ford says i'm here all night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
