I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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