I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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