I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
