He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize