I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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