wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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