saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
