so that wasnt chicken after all
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
