he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
