At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
