I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
