Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
