I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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