I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
