I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
