I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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