somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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