i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
