New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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