it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
