she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize