Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
