You know, be my cock's hype man.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
