Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
