Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
