Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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