they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
