Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
