I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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