There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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