Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
