she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
