Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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