Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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