Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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