Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
