goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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