Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
third nipple confirmed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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