FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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