Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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