A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
