is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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