How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
