I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize